ASK SANNI
I love love. I love writing love, reading love, and living love. Here, I offer my readers loving advice and support on any topics from relationships, parenting, career, family, friendships, and anything that's going on in your life. And just like my books, I will give it to you straight, but in the most fun, loving, creative way that will leave you feeling satisfied.
Dear Sanni, my husband and I have a 1 year-old. I recently started a new full time job. Before this, I discussed with my husband that we should get a nanny or add an extra day of childcare so we both can work full time. He refused because he said his mom wouldn't approve (he's a total mama's boy, which I knew but married him anyway). He then told me he would figure it out before I started work. But now my work has started and he keeps asking me to work from home on certain days to watch our baby because he can't take off work. And when I refuse because I'm in my probational phase at my new job and would get in trouble, he is blaming me that I'm being selfish and don't consider his career and our baby. Am I in the wrong here? In-a-bind
Dear In-a-bind, my question would be why do YOU have to consider his career and he doesn't have to consider yours? If his mother is concerned, then he should ask her to watch the baby on the day neither of you could, I bet she will be happy with your decision to get extra help then! But in the end, what matters most is your child's well being. And for that, I think you have to remind your husband to consider you just as much as you consider him, and I'm sure you both can come to a loving compromise for your baby's sake.
Dear Sanni, my brother and his wife have been staying in our guest room because they are going through a rough time financially and my SIL is pregnant. My wife is a decorator and likes the decor of our house to be a certain way. She was getting upset that my brother and SIL are removing the 7 decorative pillows on the guest bed and not putting them back. I brought this up to them, and they said it's too much trouble for my pregnant SIL to take the pillows off and putting them back on every time she wants to use the bed because she is pregnant. The conversation got heated because my wife and I feel like they are being bad guests. Now we are not talking to them and there's a lot of tension in the house. Who is in the wrong here? Pillow Fight.
Dear Pillow Fight, I think you know this since you married her, or maybe you don't, but your wife seems a bit extra? Seven decorative pillows seem a bit much in normal circumstance, now you guys are fighting over them? It is within your rights to want your house to be a certain way, however, you did offer to have them stay with you, they are your guests. If you want to be good hosts, then don't judge your guests when they have different preference than you. If you can't be good hosts to them, then consider asking them to leave. Because what you and your wife are doing to them OVER 7 pillows is not very loving. Ask yourselves if it's really right EVER to be fighting over pillows?
Dear Sanni, my 31 year-old daughter is moving back to our hometown to start a new job. We are so happy because she has been away for several years. Her apartment won't be ready to move in until the beginning of next month so she is staying with us, and we are so happy to have her. She even offered to pay rent, but we don't want it, of course. What I have been noticing though is that she does a lot of online shopping. She never goes to local stores to buy anything. If she runs out of toothpaste, she will order to have it delivered. Groceries, clothes, food, everything is delivered. I've had a talk with her that she should venture out to the stores sometimes, but she is stubborn and refused to listen. So I started turning the packages away so that she would be forced to go to the store and learn. She found out and is furious, and now has left us and moved into a hotel, which is ridiculously a waste of money. She refuses to come back even after I told her I wouldn't turn away her deliveries again. How did I raise such an unreasonable kid? Wonder Mom
Dear Wonder Mom, first of all, congratulations on job well done raising such an independent girl with a capable mind of her own. I think you have to try to understand that younger generations do things very differently. Going to the store is as normal to you, as shopping online is to them. You need to trust that you have done a great job raising your daughter and trust her to make her own decisions on her own life, or you will risk her moving away again, and not just to a hotel next time.
Dear Sanni, One of my closest friends is pregnant and she wanted a gender reveal party. So at her 20-week ultrasound, she had the technician write the gender down and put it in a sealed envelope. She handed it to me and asked me to do the honor of hosting a gender reveal for her and her family. She insisted that for the next few weeks, no matter how hard she begs, I must not reveal to her the gender until the actual gender reveal. I was very happy to do it, until she started hounding me with non-stop texts and calls, and even to my work! She made an emergency call to my work to interrupt my meeting one day, which took it over the top for me and I blurted the gender out to her. Am I wrong for ruining her gender reveal? Annoyed Friend.
Dear Annoyed Friend, I get that it was very annoying what your friend did, but I do think you could have handled it differently in a more loving way. You could have told your friend that she was bothering you too much, and if she didn't stop hounding you, you would have to give the gender reveal responsibility to another friend, without revealing the gender to her. You could even put the responsibility back in your pregnancy friend's hand and give the envelope back to her, and if she really really wants to know, she can open it herself or choose to wait until gender reveal. You didn't need to shout it out to her, that is probably the harshest way to handle this situation.